


Broken Piece

by UltraViolet1197



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Comic book origin Natasha, F/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Red Room (Marvel), Romance, Slow Burn, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 23:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13985289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltraViolet1197/pseuds/UltraViolet1197
Summary: Set after the events of Age of Ultron. Natasha can't get what she saw out of her head and she's been plagued by nightmares of events that happenend to her in the Red Room. She thought she was a Ballerina trained spy but now she's wondering what else she has forgotten?





	Broken Piece

It had been over two months since the incident in Sokovia but nightmares still plagued her. Whatever the girl did to her head revealed more truth than she realized. She had never thought too much about her past but suddenly she was questioning the events she saw and everytime she thought too hard about it her head would hurt. 

She was a ballerina, trained to be an assassin. But suddenly that didn't seem true. She had holes in that memory and all she could think about was the graduation ceremony of becoming a Black Widow. How could she forget about something like that? Spending all these years not remembering something as big as that. Natasha began to find herself sleeping more than usual because that was when she'd see more of those memories Wanda brought out. Sometimes it was a nightmare and she hated it but she had to know the trust of what actually happened to her. What she thought she knew was now filled with holes and patches and she couldn't make sense of her own memories anymore. Everyone on the team noticed the change in her behavior but they assumed it was because Bruce had left. Not Clint though, Clint knew it was something else. Which was why she got invited out of the blue to have dinner with the Bartons. The redhead would never turn down a dinner with her favorite family which is how she ended up here, in this uncomfortable situation. 

Her, Clint, and Laura were at the dinner table as their kids ran upstairs to play. Nat had the two month old, Nathaniel, in her arms, cradling him closely to her chest as she watched the sleeping boy. Trying to ignore the awkward glances Laura and Clint gave one another. Finally it was Clint who spoke up, “Nat, we wanted to talk to you” he said in his concerned father kind of tone. 

“I just thought you invited me for dinner out of the blue because you missed me” Her tone was dry and her sarcasm came off a lot harder than she intended it too. She knew they mean well but she much rather Clint pull her aside and say what was on his mind than to try to do this normal friendship thing and talk about it over dinner. 

He didn't find her sarcasm amusing, ignoring it before he continued. “You've been a lot more on edge lately since everything happened. I know you've been through a lot but you can talk to us. You can't bottle it all up, Nat. So what is it? What's got you so worked up still?”

“I'm fine, just sorting somethings out in my head still.” she shrugged, It wasn't exactly a lie either. Laura frown and she moved her attention back down to the little boy in her arms. She could say no to Clint all day but Laura knew how to get her to talk. And she didn't want to talk about it. 

“Im fine isn't an answer to the question, Nat” He pointed out to her, watching how she reacted. He was always trying to get a read from her but no matter how hard he tried, Laura seemed to know everything before he did. 

“How about I don't want to talk about it, Clint?” she asked, leaning back against the chair, still rocking Nathaniel in her arms. 

He sighed and Laura spoke up next like it was an interrogation. “We're just worried about you. You don't need to tell us everything but can you at least let us in? That way if things get worse and you decide you do want to talk, we can be ready. That's all we ask. You aren't a spy here, you're family.”  
Natasha huffed, annoyed that she pulled the family card but still didn't want to budge. It wasn't there business. 

She stood up and handed Nathaniel back to her “Families keep secrets too.” Nat said as she grabbed her empty plate, walking over to the sink to wash it off. She knew they were concerned but she barely knew much of what was going on to begin with and telling them would just make things more confusing. 

There was the sound of a chair moving and she heard Clint’s footsteps walk up to her at the sink “Whatever she put in your head, whatever you saw, wasn't real Natasha.” He said firmly. “I know it felt real, may even seem like it was but it wasn't. Tony built Ultron because of fear from what he saw and I don't want you making a similar mistake because you won't talk to us.”

“It was real.” She snapped back at him, turning around to lean back against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “Whatever Tony saw was his issue but all the girl did was bring out memories I didn't know I had. Memories about the project, about what they did to me. They brainwashed me and I didn't even know it!” She shouted at him, angry at herself for taking so long to notice. “Now it's coming back to me and pieces and I'm trying to sort out what was real and what was planted in my head. Because I don't know anymore”

“I'm sorry” he said softly, “Maybe I could get some of my shield friends to dig up some old files about the widow program or something if that could help you.”

“No.” She shook her head, “I don't want to go digging through old skeletons. If it's coming back to me I rather it come back than me find files to read about myself. I've spent most of my life reading a file about someone else's life and taking on that identity. I rather figure myself out on my own. Not from another file.”

“If there's anything we can do to help…” Laura spoke up “If you want to spend a couple days here, or anything at all. Just let us know. The kids love you and I'll never say no to having another adult around the house” she smiled. 

“What about me? I'm an adult” Clint huffed. 

“Sweetheart, I had to tell you three times yesterday to stop eating the cookie dough.”

“I have never met anyone who has gotten sick from eating cookie dough. Name me one person and then I'll stop!”

Nat laughed, looking over at Laura “Thanks. I may take you up on that sometime. I know handling five kids on your own can be a lot of work.”

“I am right here, Natasha” he grumbled, glaring at both the women. 

 

 

She was knocked down against the mat for a second time. The feeling in the left side of her face was starting to go numb from being hit so hard but she wasn't about to let that stop her. She jumped back up on her feet, ready to fight again. It seemed to be the same thing over and over. Either she was fighting or being yelled at but the faces were always so unclear, their movements blurry and hard to keep up with. Each time she was self aware, she knew it was a dream but she couldn't change anything. Her body would do and say what it wanted and she was inside, watching it unfold for what seemed like the first time. 

She wiped the blood away from her mouth, charging at the man in front of her but he simply stepped aside and knocked her back down to the ground with little effort. She had to be young, naive to think she could overpower one of her trainers with a move like that. “You're getting slow, Romanova” there seemed to be teasing in the man's voice and she felt his foot step on her back, pinning her down. 

“Perhaps I just didn't want to leave a mark on your pretty face?” She said in a playful tone that surprised herself. The red room didn't allow for any playful banter to go on. It was always fight, kill, torture. There wasn't any room for anything else. 

The man took his foot off of her back and knelt down beside her, feeling his breath tickling her ear. “You're always so full of talk, Natalia” he whispered quietly. His hand trailing down her side making her shiver. She felt butterflies in her stomach at his touch and her heart leaped at the thought of having him so close. She felt protected by this man but her mind seemed adamant about now allowing her to see his face clearly or remember who he was. Had he died? Did something happen to him that caused her to forget completely about him? She had never felt this way with a lover, she couldn't imagine wanting to forget him. 

 

 

She threw the covers off of herself, sitting up in bed as she frantically looked around, trying to figure out where she was at. Her mind raced, glimpses of memories long forgotten traveling through her head all at once before it finally settled on the present. She was at the avengers facility in her room. 

Natasha took a deep breath and layed back down, thinking about the dream she had. No, there wasn't anyway she'd willingly forget that. Something had to have happened, someone had to force it out of her mind. “Love is for children” she muttered to herself. Whatever made herself shut off the idea of love had to due with that man and whatever happened between them. She assumed that the idea came from being an agent and not being able to actually fall in love with someone but that wasn't the case. It was because she knew first hand what love did in a field like this. And however it ended, it didn't end well. Nat glanced over at the clock on her bedside table: 4:06am   
Well what better way to start the day than with a run before the sun came up. It wasn't like she'd be able to go back to bed anyways. 

She got up from the bed, stretching real quick before she began to get dressed. She was still adjusting to the new facility and to the new members of the team. Vision did not understand the concept of walls which put her on edge during the day. One could only be scared so many times by the floating machine before they start getting paranoid about its location. At least, for her that was the case. And as far the Sokovian girl, she hadn't been seen much since her brother's death. Clint was able to get her to come out of her shell a bit more and her and Nat bonded about being the only women in the team. She was still learning how to control her powers. There had been a handful of nights where Natasha had been woken up because of Wanda's nightmares. They were usually violent and it agitated her powers. Luckily for them, Vision was able to calm her because no one wanted to be near her hexes when they were chaotic like that. Nat saw how it acted when she lost her brother and she was thankful she wasn't the one on the other side of them. 

She pulled a dark shirt over her head and a pair of pants on, followed by her usual boots. If she was lucky Vision wouldn't see her and ask why she was going on a run so early. She liked the guy but for someone who had only been around for a couple of months, he knew how to read Nats expressions well. Or maybe it was the mind stone that allowed him to pick up on her distress. Either way she wanted to be left to herself.   
Nat headed out of her room and down the dark hallway toward their living area. She had to admit, despite how big the facility was, Tony still managed to make it feel like a home. The living quarters didn't have a dorm room feel like most places she stayed at and it came just in time. With all her covers blown, all her safe houses and places she had over there years went with it. She needed to work on starting another up, preferably off of the grid entirely. But that would take some time and until then she was more than happy to live here. Oddly the avengers had grown to be people she could actually trust and relax around.   
She walked into the open kitchen that faced the living room, grabbing herself a banana before noticing the brunette figure setting on the couch with a warm mug in her hand. 

“You're up awfully earl” Natasha said as she moved to sit down on the couch beside the young girl, unpeeling the banana. 

“And you aren't?” The Sokovia girl replied with a raised brow before she went back to staring out the nearby window. 

Small pellets of water hit the window from outside and the redhead sighed. There went her run. “Couldn't sleep” she sat as she took a bite out of the fruit, leaning back against the couch. 

“I noticed” the girl muttered, taking a sip of her warm tea. “I can feel your distress two rooms over.”

Natasha had forgotten almost forgotten how her this all had started until Wanda mentioned that. As much as she tried not to read people, she had once explained to the spy that it was like having the TV on in the other room. It took time to try and tune it out. She felt uneasy from her statement, wondering how much the witch knew about her nightmares but she played it cool, not allowing herself to show any of the distress. “Did I wake you?”

The witch shrugged “I was already awake. I haven't been sleeping well since his death” she said quietly “I'm not use to not feeling his mind running around in the back of my head. I had grown to like that feeling and now that he's gone, it feels like everyone else's mind is ten times louder. I hadn't realized his powers helped calm mind”

Nat nodded. “I know what it's like to lose somebody. To be so close to someone and have it ripped away from you.” She wasn't talking about the man right? Someone, until recently, she completely forgot about. But it was weird, she always felt this ache and now she realized it belonged to the man in the red room. 

“I'm sorry that I am the cause of your distress” Wanda whispered. “At the time I was doing what I thought was right.”

“How much do you know about it?” 

The girl set down her mug, looking back at the spy “I see glimpses of you training every once in a while in my dreams but mostly I just feel it. The sadness, the hurt. I know they messed with your mind, I saw that when I first looked in side. All the broken pieces that were lost.”

“You should try to get some more sleep” Nat replied as she stood up. feeling uncomfortable with the feeling that Wanda probably knew more than she did about her own head. “I'm gonna head to the gym. Hopefully that will wear me out.”


End file.
